Ol' Friend

Dear Alcohol,


First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin, prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.
Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
Nope, no more beer for me.
Sorry, but you're not really my type.
Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

My new niece - Kiley Grace

My new niece was born today. Kiley Grace....9lbs, 6 oz, 21 inches long. She is a cutie! Go Pisces!!!

How observant are you?

See how many of these questions you can get right? The average person only gets 7. This is based on U.S. & CDN info, so use all lobes of your brain.

This test just tells us how observant of everyday details we are. There are 27 questions. Take this test and then look under the comments for the answers and reply with the number that you got right.

Don't cheat and look at the answers first! There is also no going around the house looking for the answers. Once you start, there is no getting out of your chair...not even to go to the bathroom. And be honest! Here we go:

1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or the bottom?

2. How many states are there in the U.S.A. ( Don't laugh, some people don't know)?

3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?

4. What six colors are on the classic Campbell's soup label?

5. What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by them?

6. When you walk, does your left arm swing with your right or left leg?

7. How many matches are in a standard pack?

8. On the United States flag, is the top stripe white or red?

9. What is the lowest number on the FM dial?

10. Which way does water go down the drain, clockwise or counterclockwise?

11. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?

12. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?

13. On which side of a woman's blouse are the buttons?

14. Which way do fans rotate?

15. What is on the back of a Canadian dime?

16. How many sides does a stop sign have?

17. Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side?

18. How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?

19. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?

20. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey, Doc. Who's missing?

21. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?

22. On which playing card is the card maker's trademark?

23. On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?

24. On the back of a Canadian $1 coin, what is in the center?

25. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits?

26. How many curves are there in a standard paper clip?

27. Does a merry-go-round turn clockwise or counter clockwise?

Now was that so bad? Let me know how ya did. By the way...I got 19 right!!! I'm way above average.

Blog-A-Thon Continues!

The Blog-A-Thon rules are as follows: I am limiting my interviews to the next 2 (yes, only 2-I'm not that creative) people that respond to this post requesting an interview. So,

1. Leave me a comment saying "interview me"
2. After I get my requests, I will reply on the comment board with each person's 5 questions, different from what I have answered at the bottom.
3. You must update your blog with your questions and answers!
4. You will include this explanation offer to interview someone else in the same post
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them 5 questions!

Now you know the rules!!!

Here are my questions. Thanks Mike!

1. Why do you obsess over cleanliness? I think that my obsession with cleanliness and order is an outlet for me to have control over things, maybe making up for aspects in my life that I cannot control, for example, my horrible eating habits and my battle with my weight.

2. You have graduated with a marine biology degree. If you could go back and do it all over again, would you major in something else or not change a thing?
I think that if I could go back and change my degree, I probably would. I am not really sure what to....surely something scientific, but maybe something that pays a bit more. I am glad that I learned the things that I did with my degree, because I am truly fascinated with the ocean and all the amazing things within it. But it's now in my life that I realize that you can have a passion for something and have that passion be nothing more than that. Let me explain. I love to cook! I love to eat! I thought about maybe pursuing that, but I know that I could never be stuck behind a stove for hours on end everyday and appreciate it as I once did. Quite similar to me being a marine biologist!

3. If they made a movie about you, who would be cast as you? I think that Drew Barrymore would play me in a movie. I don't think that I look like her. I do however think that she is so cute! I've had several people tell me that I make similar facial expressions as she does. You know...just very animated. Plus, she seems like she'd be a good person and fun to be around.

4. You are trapped in a room with carrot top and judge judy. You have a gun with one bullet, what do you do? I bet you thought I would say I would shoot someone. I could never actually shoot someone, unless my life was in danger. I would have some fun with them though. Maybe put them in a little Quentin Tarrantino situation. Just scare the crap out of them. Probably use the one bullet to fire in the air, lettin' them know I mean business!

5. What is your favorite animal? I don't really have a favorite animal. But I would have to say something marine, probably an invertebrate. I love corals and sponges and all the stuff that a lot of people wouldn't classify as an "animal". But there are a lot of intriguing marine invert species that people take for granted out there, but the oceans wouldn't be the same without them. Oh...I just got it! Ctenophores! I love Ctenophores...they are so cool, and people think that they are jellyfish when they couldn't even harm anything. They are just slimy!!!